NEW JOKES

 This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?" But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. "Actually" he said, "it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads" 

 A young fellow and his girl are parked in a lover's lane that runs along a river. The guy wants to make love, but the girl is afraid somebody will come along and see them. They decide to do it under his Dodge 4 X 4 pickup with oversized tires and lots of room under. A few minutes later, a county deputy pulls up and says, "Hey, what the devil you all doing down there?" The young fellow being in a full "rut" doesn't even look up, but manages to say, "I'm fixing my muffler." The deputy says, "Well, son, you shoulda been fixin' your parking brake, 'cause your truck just rolled into the river."